Lenina's Inner Struggle

I do not understand why he would not want tot be with me. I’m beautiful and wanted by many. I will never comprehend why does he not think the way normal people do, “everyone belongs to everyone else”(Huxley 164). John belongs to me, when I want him to. I can’t help but want to be with him. He comes from such a disgusting, dirty world he should be ecstatic to be free of the filth.

            Henry has been begging me to go to a feely with him, but I cannot stop thinking about John and how different he is. If he did not resist me, I would not feel so esoteric in my feelings. Maybe I should just be with Henry, for I was able to stay with him for months not long ago, which was a strange occurrence in itself. I told Fanny about my lack or desire to be with more than one man, “I hadn’t been feeling very keen on promiscuity lately. There are times when one doesn’t. Haven’t you found that too, Fanny?”(Huxley 43). She minimally sympathized with me but repeated the same phrase I already had engraved in my head, how I was meant for everyone else. That was when my interest had sparked in Bernard to join him to go to the Savage Reservation in the first place.

            I managed to gain Bernard’s liking of me, so why was John so different? I know there has been chaos regarding him lately with what has happened and he fled to the lighthouse. I do not know why he would not go with his friends farther away, but he has always made irrational decisions. Henry and I have been together more often recently and he is fun to take stoma and go to feelies with. He is more normal and to my liking than Bernard and John ever was. Still, I am perplexed and captivated by John’s actions and mystery and how he can resist me even when I throw myself upon him. He constantly recites some quotes from an old book that I know he should not be reading, let alone memorizing.

            With all of the news coverage that John has earned, maybe he will be different and more accessible if I visit him. I can have Henry fly over. I think John will welcome me rather than lash out like he has to the other reporters and visitors he has had. At least he knows me, so maybe I will bring him comfort for I believe that is what he is seeking while living out here. He thinks differently so he does not want to be around everyone else, but he still strives for happiness and comfort, for he is a human being. I aim to bring him that feeling of security and happiness. I wonder if maybe he gas just run out of soma to take. I always had to encourage him to take it in the past, and it can fix any melancholy feeling if one ever did have such emotions, although very rare.

I arrived at John’s new place of residence in frenzy as tons of those rom lower castes shouted, “We-want-the whip!”(Huxley 257). I was confused at to what they were talking about until I saw the man of my intent holding what I assumed was a whip. I stretched out my arms and walked toward him trying to smile, to cheer him up, and to comfort him. He stared at me for a few seconds, he seemed perplexed almost as if he did not recognize me and then suddenly seemed to give in to the crowd as he rushed toward me. I did not know what he was running for: for me, or to hit me. I quickly realized as he raised his weapon inches from my face that he was not taking his soma. I hurried away back toward Henry and rushed out of there.

John is definitely a strange man and I do not think I ever will be able to truly be with him. I will never understand someone who does not like feelies or soma, how could someone not want to be happy? I think I will hang out with someone new tonight for I know in my heart the right think to do is to be with as many people as I could possibly want. After all, everyone belongs to everyone else.

Works Cited

Huxley, Aldous. Brave New World. New York: Harper & Bros., 1946. Print.